theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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