he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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