I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
