I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
