He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
