woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
