His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The air taste purple.
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