I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
