I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize