i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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