Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
