I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just invented taco cereal.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
