i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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