Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
