I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize