How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
