homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
