did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I supernannyed him into submission
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
