And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
