is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
