haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
