As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
