That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
