So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
