I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
