Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
