I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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