I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
