I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
