God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
