I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
