she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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