my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
