$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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