That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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