dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
