every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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