i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
