Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
