don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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