I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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