Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
