I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
