my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She swung at the pinata with crutches
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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