So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
