Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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