piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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