i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We have so much sex to catch up on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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