oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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