Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
