When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
