I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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