just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
