Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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