I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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