Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
