Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
