I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
