can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
