Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
