to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
