i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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