After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
