Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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