Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
