i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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