Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
