So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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