I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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