if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
