We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
