I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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