i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
