How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
