the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
